27 October 2011

more hours of sleep, i need you.

Still waiting to hear whether or not I've been accepted to the graduate studies program.

If I haven't I don't really have a back up plan.

Here's to giving a Plan B a big old fuck you.

I've slept for almost 16 hours in the past 24.

Today is cool and misty and rainy and I hate today. I see no reason for today. Today is doing nothing for me. If today was a person, it would sneeze on me in line at the grocery store and I would say, "No, no, that's okay." Inside I would hate it. I do hate it.

I hate you, today. I hope your cold develops into pneumonia and you can't fight off a secondary infection and you fucking die.

Today is one of those days where I realize that I have almost nothing "going for me." That's an obscenely vague collection of words that I will, merrily even, add to the list of things I detest about today. I'll begrudgingly admit that poor wording and a lackadaisical approach to blogwriting isn't really the fault of a Thursday, but I don't even care. It's Thursday's fault, ya here? YOUR FAULT, THURSDAY, NOT MINE.

I have no money, I have no job, and my biggest accomplishments this month are applying for grad school and driving the car a whopping three times (I have a driving thing, whatever, it's fucking stupid).

My life is ridiculous.Without going through the laundry list of individual problems we've faced the past 3 years, without an effusive acknowledgment that there are many folks in the world having a harder time than us, I'll just say that life has been stupid fucking hard.

Okay, Thursday, so you're almost off the hook. Bigger picture and whatnot. While you suck a massive egg, I think it's my life that's the real element of shit here.

What to do, what to do.


  1. i think we had the same thursday. :S i can understand the feeling you have of "nothing going for me", which is basically how i felt for an entire year, but is usually just the mental illness talking. i hope tomorrow is better. <3

  2. just to be on the safe side, i'm not gonna count on it.

  3. at the risk of sounding like an echo chamber, i hear you lady - i really really do. we may not be in similar situations, but those feelings...in the last two weeks or so they've been steadily growing. almost 27, b.a. with no job prospects, i can only handle very very casual data entry work from home (which will most likely end at the end of the year), and living with my partner in his parents house for a year now. know that people care for and about you (i miss you on tumblr!) and hope you're doing okay. <3

  4. thanks sugar! the world needs to stop being so rough on people i like. <3

  5. i agree! back off world, just let us live our lives. <3 <3 <3